Make Life Your B*tch

Listen, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. Maybe I follow my heart too much. Maybe I have qualities which have been undervalued in society or gone unappreciated by myself, especially.

Imposter syndrome is feeling like you're not suitable for the job, that you're pretending. Imposter syndrome is all too common in leaders, or risk-takers, but in order to play the part you have to feel uncomfortable in the transition stage of actually being the part. When you are the one to step up and be the difference you want to see, you will many times feel like you can't do it, or that you aren't capable of achieving the intended results. You feel like you're unable to help people or benefit the cause you're aspiring toward. This feeling of pretending is completely normal and is nothing to shy away from. See, it is simply that, a feeling. We must not let our feelings get in the way of our goals and fulfillment. After all, you will not only be harming yourself, but you will be doing a great injustice to all the b-ings you could have helped while your mind was getting the better of you.

Imposter syndrome entwines many aspects of b-ing, such as worthiness, confidence and self-love. If you're confidence is low then you may be faking higher confidence than what you actually have. If you don't love yourself adequately then this could be projected as a large ego, or an ego that doesn't measure up to the size of your true worth. The ego is fake. Your ego is overestimation of what you actually are, and allows you to feel secure in some sense. I understand I really do, because I have had to use my ego for the majority of my life. We all have. Sometimes, we lose our ego and we can't find a way to start over again because we realize our whole life was a lie built on personas, identities, and learned social behaviors that were never really us. If we have value to offer the world, we must fake some sort of ego to grow. If you feel like you have absolutely no confidence, then you must pretend you have some sort of confidence to share your value. Maybe confidence comes naturally to you, but you're not doing anything with it so you lose it. They say if you don't use something you lose it. That may be true. The best way to obtain confidence is by doing. The more you do something, the more confident you'll be in, say, your execution abilities or emotional mastery. This is for me currently. It could be anything, talking to the opposite sex, maybe it's your cooking skills, or your knowledge on biophysics, possibly your flow of creativity, or your analytical thinking. Whatever you do, the more it means to you, the more you'll work at it, and enjoy doing so.

I want others to see the bigger picture I'm painting from my point of view. To share what is inside my mind and how it is interpreted from my perspective. My story is my perspective. This is how I think. This is how I feel. This is how I explain. And this is one of the ways I share it with others.

You should take risks. It is the only way you will get anything meaningful done. If you don't take a small leap of trust backed with a little ambition, you will stay in one place.

I have never had solid confidence, really I seriously hated myself for most of my life. I listened to everything the world fed me, how others treated me, and let it affect how I saw myself, which was not at all. Even today I "fake" my confidence as in I try to push past it and pretend anyway. I have had higher standards my whole life. When I feel stuck and I know I deserve better, I get frustrated. It's the how to get there that trips me up. Sometimes we'll never know how, we just do a little trial and error.

I want to get out there and join a dance team, join a kickball club, find a group of adult roller skaters, take yoga classes for the connection of it. Heck I even went to church with a friend and felt good to be in a room with other spiritual people, though my beliefs are different. I want that sense of community. I want to build these communities. I want to be active. I want to experience and play. I want to work less but still love my work. I want to travel and visit as many countries as possible. I want to live in every possible way. With a sense of self pride and purpose. These are essential to life trajectory equal to self-love, which is rightfully getting the attention it deserves in recent years. Remember, we can't help others if we can't help ourselves. I am working on being the best I can be to inspire a life well lived for those it reaches.

You are worth the extra time. You are worth the effort. You deserve to play. You demand freedom. Your time is a gift and your experience is valid. Your time is worth you. You embody and exude self-respect and outer love. You are capable of doing anything you put your mind to. What you want is worth the risk.

I want to be able to confidently speak in front of a crowd of people. Even though I have been socially isolated and out of practice for most of my life. I want to have a casual conversation with others in other languages, even though language is my biggest weakness. I want to successfully lead a business that impacts and enhances millions of lives, that shapes the world. I want to fully conquer my mind. Deep down, I want to be comfortable on a stage performing in front of others, believing I can do it. Instead of thinking I'll forget the words, or trip, or get daunted by the number of folks. Although I only got one quick glimpse of performing on a stage in my mind when I was four or five, and since then I haven't felt safe to sing or perform, I should still try. I sometimes think that I could have been a Miley Cyrus or Alicia Keys or someone, if I would have started from a young age, but we can't dwell on what could have been if circumstances were different. Just do the best we can now. I can't let my mind overtake me. Our minds truly are our biggest obstacles for most. Our minds are our biggest enemy.

You take your insecurities and you work on them. You take the steps to get where you want. All that matters is that you're moving forward, no matter how slow.

Stand for something! Stand for anything! Make your life have a purpose. You choose what you live for. You decide truth. You choose how you spend your time. I write these messages in hopes others will find value, and because I need to hear them myself.

There is no better way to understand something than to experience it, and for me, that's LIFE.

You have the POWER. Life shouldn't happen to you. You happen to life.